**Cold, Cold Day**

 

Morning everyone!!

hope everyone is have a good week so far..

I went to Natwest and I got my account, debit account, so its a start

So that's cool :) It has been so cold its unreal, and just now I have been getting

into a bad routine by staying up real late and sleeping all morning and some of the afternoon..

So it got to 5am this morning and I thought stuff it I'm gonna stay up all day

and go to bed early tonight to get back into a *normal routine*

*hopefully*

 

I'm trying to stop myself from feeling really down and even more depressed rite now.

I hate it!! but there is nothing I can do I need to try and keep my head up and

think positive.. *sometimes easier said than done*

I dunno what it is at the moment I just feel like well like shit really,

I wish I dint, I do have depression and anxiety (that's two of the reasons I'm signed on to ESA)

I really dunno where I'm going with this I feel very lifeless the

last few days that's why I haven't been on here much.

*I dunno if anyone reads my blog anyway, I see people come on here oh I dunno lol*

when I use to feel down or something wasn't rite I use to head straight to my craft room

and scarp about it about anything just chill out

to Rod Stewart at the same time.. rite now its a bit hard to do that :)

I have not received any stash yet from all the kind people on UKS that have offered to help me out

*I'm not moaning, please don't think I am, I'm just saying*

So I'm still awaiting on that,

 

ITS CHRISTMAS!!

is it?

where?

really?

I dunno you tell me I'm trying to get a loan to have a Christmas,

I have been accepted for a little loan from the JC but that's for the things I need like

clothes and furniture, dunno what furniture or how many clothes they expect me to get

on £243 but hey once I got the bed I think ill be able to get socks lol

*once again not moaning just saying, should we just call it blubbering*

*just because I can and maybe I need to, you tell me?*

Just tell me to shut up at any time please, just push the big *X* at the top of the screen

and ill be gone ha-ha,

wish I could *X* out of my head sometimes :)

 

And then there's my cat Minxy,

of course you know we are going to spend *Christmas* with my family

and Minxy will have to stay here as my family all have dogs and its too far to take her,

Dean our other housemate was meant to be looking

after the little moo,

he promised us he will look after her including:

- Feeding *3 times a day, half meat half biscuit's*

- Changing the litter in the tray everyday *twice if needed*

- She sleeps in his room over night *she does with us and she loves her cuddles at night*

- Lots of cuddles oh and clean water twice a day!

I thought that was standard? *maybe its just me*

he was the one that offered to look after her *remember this*

 

I was talking to Trish *housemate* one night and

she told me she needs to tell me because its not fair *so I was like tell me what?*

Dean said to her *about me and Kieran* he said

"they best not ask me to look after there fucking cat, as I will not"

Yeah? right?

and.

"If they do she ain't sleeping in my room she stinks she can stay in the hallways of the house!"

EXCUSE ME!!

 

Yeah ok, when we first got Minxy she did have a smelly bum but that was

because her first owner did not look after her rite or feed her rite,

so its ok now.

fair enough if he don't want her sleeping in her room

*he use to have a cat, lets Minxy and Oscar in his room every day,

OH and Oscar use to sleep in his room every so often*

HMM..

So I don't mind if he told us this but no, he OFFERED to look after my baby girl

and said she will sleep in his room etc. BLAR BLAR BLAR!!

why lie?

Kieran asked him he said Trish is making it up,

came down stairs shouting at Trish trying to intimidate her

*dint work, I was there*

He said he dint say none of that.

I said to him *did you say that you will not have my cat in your room that she will be sleeping in the house in the hallways*

he said YES that's what he said??

ermm

is it just me or did he just come storming and shouting down the stairs to prove he dint

say it and then just admit it straight away?

*Strange*

but he seemed to think that was ok so I told him to leave me alone.

 

And that was it, no one has mentioned it since..

so what do I do?, I don't want Minxy all alone not at all,

I had a feeling he lied before,

as me and Kieran went to Westfest in October *Its a big Rave*

and Dean was meant to look after the little Moo

when we got back at around 7 or 8am

Minxy was downstairs all on her own, really meowing she was shaking and so hungry

*I dint think that was rite, but we put it down to it being her first night without us*

Trish told us that dean left her in the hallway all night

and I don't even think he fed her..

**I know lots of blubbering**

 

I don't know.. am I over reacting to that? I just don't know

can I trust him?

can I leave my little girl with him?

*what other option do I have thou? none*

its been really getting to me.

 

I dunno I'm gonna go ring around my old support worker (for recovery)

and a few other places

as I got a tribunal coming up soon with the Job centre

as I failed my medical

*but they are failing EVERYONE*

but I have appealed it and all the paper work from them came in the post

yesterday with the Job Centres case

and it has really got to me, I'm really worried about it I really am!!

*AGHHH*

So I am ringing round everyone that I have worked with E.G

Support Worker

Recovery Agency

Doctor

Etc...

to ask them to write a letter about me and my troubles or whatever

whatever they know really I have never lied so all the letters/notes

from these people should help me, I hope!

 

Oh and at 4pm I have an appointment with my new support worker

YAY!!

 

Enough blubbering for one day

I will try and pop back later and be a bit more positive

*I hope*

 

Take Care

Leanne

xXx